For the past two weeks, we’ve been loosening the grip of an outdated conditional belief that incites your anger or fear and has you doing that auto-pilot thing that always makes it worse with your teenager or young adult child and causes more distance between you. Week 1, you identified one conditional belief that seems to be driving your behavior. Week 2, you tapped into a vision of how you could experience that situation differently. It likely feels like a far-off vision to

I recently received some unexpected news that will have a significant impact on my life. I was really afraid. My heart rate went up and my stomach clenched so tightly I cried out. Hours later, I still felt the fear. When I brushed my teeth, when I laid down in bed… there it was. Or was it fear? Research shows that emotions only last 90 seconds. During those 90 seconds, neurochemicals flood through our systems and then are completely flushed out of the bloodstream. So, why was

I spend a lot of time with overwhelmed moms of teenagers and young adults. And here's what I know for sure:  These things WON’T make you feel calmer or more connected with your teenager: Wait for it to pass Blame it on them Blame it on yourself Try to fix their problems, try to fix them Walk on eggshells 24/7 Ruminate, spin, agonize, replay it a hundred times Lecture, criticize, punish, coerce Micro-manage, nag, control Absorb their feelings Beg, cajole, bribe Lay awake devis

Last week, I invited you into some self-exploration and naming a conditional belief that’s driving your behaviour in tense interactions with your almost-adult kid. I trust that it was illuminating for you. Now onward to step 2…  There is wisdom in you, my dear, deep knowing in your belly: soft, light-encapsulated truth that has been with you since you were conceived and even before that, when the universe dreamed of you. It lives in your DNA, the essence of your soul, and it

If the way you’re parenting your teenager isn’t working, here are two important things you need to know: Number 1 — Your relationship can change because you can change. I know you’re exhausted, stressed and out of ideas about how to get through to that kid. And sometimes you go from zero to full-on yelling/ controlling/ pleading/ panicking in two seconds flat. It happens to all of us. You need to know that that impulse, whether it’s blaming, fixing, begging, lecturing, critic

It breaks my heart when I meet parents who have gone to workshops and, despite some great insights, didn’t experience any real changes afterwards in their day-to-day life. They still got triggered in the same kinds of situations with their teenager, they still had the same voices running in their heads and they still fell into their old reactions. Because insight and self-awareness only take you part of the way toward becoming a grounded parent. And today I want to talk about

Today’s article is for every parent who has ever unintentionally matched their teenager’s emotions.  “It's like I absorb her tension.” “He was really anxious and, within one second, I was anxious too. “I feel like their moods are steering me.” “Just knowing how hurt she was, I could feel myself sinking down into where she was.” There's no denying that pang of motherhood. We felt it when their first cries had our breasts aching and when we saw our toddler’s big tears when some

There's an old saying that parents should choose their battles and, while I abhor the war references, I know we've all made these kinds of choices. Especially when our kids are so certain in their opinions (as long as they’re contrary to ours), so quick to become loud and defensive or collapse into hurt, so governed by their changing brains and bodies, we wonder time and again whether we should bring something up or just let it go. Obviously, we can't discuss every single one

Uncertainty is hard. I think this is our system’s worst nightmare: not fully knowing what's going on, not knowing what someone really means, or not knowing what's going to happen. Our brains really don’t like unknowns so they fill in the blanks as best they can, trying to create a picture that feels clearer and, therefore, safer.  And this is a great feature when you're driving and you see someone up ahead of you hitting the brakes. You don’t know exactly what's going on but

We’ve all been there: You state your boundary and they instantly push back. They bombard you with questions and objections like a lawyer,...

Are you starting to feel overwhelmed? Is your head filling with tasks to accomplish, social engagements, travel plans, financial pressures, amped up family dynamics…? Can you feel the tension building in your neck, your temples or your belly? While the holidays are beautiful in so many ways, they sweep us into an unnatural velocity and present many stressors on our nervous systems. It’s no wonder so many parents get burnt out and, instead of enjoying the holidays, find themse

There’s a thing that happens to you on the way to our parents’ house for a holiday dinner. You start out as a mature, grounded, self-directed adult and by the time you’re pulling into their driveway, you can feel yourself surrendering your truth and your autonomy. “Here we go again.” You fall into old patterns. You let your sister second guess your latest decision or poke holes in your plans. You let your parents instruct your children in ways you wouldn’t. Your affirmations,

I am happy to be able to share a tender interview with one of the parents I coached last winter. Meet Marthe, an award-winning musician, peace activist and single mom. When we met, she was feeling guilty about how often she was fighting with her teenage daughter, and she was terrified that she was driving her away. This is her story about finding steadiness and peace in her parenting and learning how to connect with her daughter in a very different way. Q. What problems were

Sometimes things get mixed up that aren't supposed to get mixed up. Your white T-shirt comes out of the laundry pink. The tomato sauce...

Your hands are full of so much strength and grace. Expressing emotions, emphasizing your words, rubbing lotion into your skin, stroking...

In my  last article , we considered what’s really happening when our almost-adult kids complain: what’s happening in them and what’s...

Listening to a teenager complain for 20 minutes is tough. And listening to them complain every... single... day... is even tougher. It...

Photo by Felix Mittermeier on Unsplash I loathe the phrase midlife crisis . “Oh, she’s falling apart, letting herself go, not handling...

Photo by Jacqueline O'Gara on Unsplash I am excited to be able to share with today you a very personal interview with one of the parents...

“Oh God how I hate saying this out loud, but sometimes I really resent my teenager.” I could feel the raw truth of her statement. And the...

Photo by chuck derby on Unsplash What does the word “approachable” make you think of? A welcoming front door, a big cuddly dog, a calm...

Photo by Lori K Walters In my coaching practice, I've heard many parents say, “I feel so restless and useless when nobody needs me. I...

Photo by Let's go Together  on Unsplash Last week’s article about resisting the urge to jump in and fix things for our teens garnered...

Photo by Meina Yin on Unsplash I’m guessing you opened this article because you’ve experienced some of these symptoms: Living on high...