In my relationship with my teenager, I just want...

Relationships with teenagers and young adult children are trying. You never know how they’re going to respond to something you say. You try 10 different angles, but you can’t get them to see the thing you want them to understand. You never know when to step in or back off. You do everything you can think of to be supportive and still it’s not enough.

It’s so tiring.

And so today I’d like to invite you to a Mini Retreat: just you alone in a comfy spot for 15 minutes with the question of what you want in your relationship with your big kid.

And yes, I know, there’s an answer on your lips right now. It begins with, “I just want… I just want some respect. I just want to be able to say no and let that be the end of it. I just want some consideration. I just want to have an afternoon outing without any arguments. I just want to be able to walk into a tidy bathroom.”

That’s all very real and today I’m inviting you to go a little deeper into what you’re longing for in your heart.

Because when we’re experiencing frustration with our kids and it feels like our boots are stuck in the sucking mud, we can easily end up just standing there, muttering, with our eyes closed. Or when our hearts are breaking and we can no longer carry the weight, we fall down, unable to see the horizon.

This is an opportunity to look up and shine a little light on the vision that’s important to you.

What do you want your relationship with your young adult child to be like? Ignoring time and other factors, how do you really want to spend time with them? What conversations do you want to have? If you didn’t have to explain it to anyone, what do you want to feel when you’re with them (and when you’re not)? What parts of yourself do you want them to know? How do you want to BE with them?

There may be a voice inside you right now saying something like, “Yeah, yeah, I already know all my answers. I don’t need to bother with this…” And yet, each time I revisit such questions and listen for fresh answers, more is unearthed about who I am and who I want to be as a parent, and I receive knowledge that buoys and guides me.

So, if you’re willing, find a peaceful, private spot and settle yourself in with a bit of stretching and/or gentle breathing.

Then, using the prompt below, either write in your notebook or speak into your phone for at least 15 minutes. If you’re writing, let it be long form, not bullet points, allowing your pen to flow from word to word. And if you’re speaking, avoid the temptation to pause and censor or plan your words and instead welcome whatever comes to your lips.

The beauty of rambling answers is that they allow us to go beyond our lists and regular answers, connect with the wisdom of our hearts and access our truest longings.

The prompt: What are you longing for in your relationship with your young adult child?