Is Your Body Bracing for the Holidays with Your Teenager?

Are you starting to feel overwhelmed? Is your head filling with tasks to accomplish, social engagements, travel plans, financial pressures, amped up family dynamics…? Can you feel the tension building in your neck, your temples or your belly?

While the holidays are beautiful in so many ways, they sweep us into an unnatural velocity and present many stressors on our nervous systems. It’s no wonder so many parents get burnt out and, instead of enjoying the holidays, find themselves suffering through them, tired and half-sick.

 Of course, the answer is Rest.

But that doesn’t always come easy when you’re in pre-holiday mode.

“I don’t have time to rest. I’ve got a million things I have to get done.”

“It’s all up to me to make this happen.”

“Resting is selfish, lazy, not possible for moms…”

And when it comes down to it, many of us might say, “I don’t even know how to rest!”

On autopilot, it seems easier to keep pushing through than allow ourselves a break. We expect the kids to move as quickly as us, carry more weight, read our minds or just get the hell out of our way. 

One more task, one more event, one more obligation and maybe then I’ll have time to rest. But you don’t, because there’s one more thing...

Or you’re rushing to relax, forcing yourself to yoga and it feels like it’s too little too late to make any difference to the frenzy you’re feeling. So, you keep going… until the day when your body just can’t keep going and you land in bed or limp through the holidays hurting.

Ooof.

When did we forget how to rest?

When we were kids and we got overwhelmed, we would soften and land in the arms of our caregivers, knowing that someone’s got you, letting your body be heavy and relaxed, and feeling yourself fully held.

For many of us, that sense of trust didn’t last too long. Maybe our caregivers weren’t able to hold us. Maybe our environment wasn’t stable enough to catch us. Maybe we learned that letting go wasn’t safe.

And so, we grew into adults who do the holding, manage all the tasks and keep it all going. Because we feel like we HAVE to. Rest feels uncomfortable, even untrustworthy, and so our bodies stay on high alert – constantly ready for more action and forgetting to exhale - to keep us safe. Even when we’re exhausted and we know we need it.

If you’re like me, you're sorting out what was then and what's now. Sometimes when I recline on the couch, I still feel a bit of clenching, like "What if Dad catches me loafing around?" We're recognizing that we missed something important back then and we’re relearning it as adults.  I breathe to relax my guts and recline again. Because giving ourselves what we needed, and continue to need, is one of the most healing experiences for our whole system – mind, body, heart and soul.

Setting Stuff Down

You already know this: learning to rest and resource your body involves setting down some of the things you’re carrying. Not being irresponsible or selfish (as your inner voices keep barking) but being honest about what you want to do in preparation for the holidays. And, just as importantly, what your body can do without taking on tension, pain or illness.

Because your body is tired of carrying everything on its own.

So, let’s go into this a little more.

Take a few deep, gentle breaths.

Adjust your position to feel more comfortable.

Do a soft body scan.

Another few breaths…

Consider the question...

With what you’re currently carrying, how could intentional rest support you and your body right now?

Visualize it.

If you held yourself...,

If you gave yourself space to let go…

What would that feel like in your body?

Notice what’s maybe even releasing as you read this.

Exhale.

What would you be carrying less of then? Maybe it’s less tension, less worrying, less obligation, less yelling at the kids, less perfection, less urgency, less pressure…?

I invite you to say it out loud for yourself right now.

What would that rest make possible for you? Maybe it’s time to think things through, feel autonomous, really connect with others, sleep well, enjoy the season…?

Say it out loud.

And finally, dear one, as an adult, what exactly are you giving yourself that you never got to feel enough of?

Practices for Rest

When your system is accustomed to conditional rest (i.e., you have to earn it, only if everyone else is content) or no rest, it’s important to have regular practices that resource and replenish your body. It doesn’t have to be tai chi every day of the week. What’s more beneficial, especially when you're bracing for the holidays, is weaving consistent, intentional moments of restoration into your life. Like little rest snacks.

Here are some practices that have benefitted my clients. Try one for two weeks and notice what happens in you.

Resting into Gravity.

Lie down on your bed or yoga mat for 12 minutes and bring your attention to how your body meets that surface. Feel the connection points on your head, shoulder blades, buttocks, calves and heels. Breathe gently and soften into those places, allowing your body to respond to gravity. Remind your body that you can let go and still be supported.

Grounding to the Earth.

No one knows how to support your replenishment like Mother Nature. So, venture down to the riverbank or up into the hills. Just sit and breathe, taking in the fresh air, circulating it through your organs and exhaling the waste. Remember that you are part of the cycles of Life, which include both opening and closing, rising and falling, dormancy and blossoming.

Move at Half-Speed.

Choose a regular activity like walking to the store or washing dishes and deliberately do it slower, way slower, for at least 3 minutes. This gradually reminds your body that it's safe to slow down.

Rest with a Friend.

If resting alone doesn't feel restful for you, enlist someone to join you. How about a 30-minute sound bath or an hour of reading poetry? Agree to silently support each other to be replenished.

When rest becomes consistent, whether it’s 5 hours or 5 minutes, it shifts from something that’s squeezed in and, honestly, not very restorative to a rhythm your body begins to trust.

And when you are rested, you can bring your beautiful Self to those holiday gatherings, connect more deeply with your loved ones and end the year well.

That’s my wish for you.