When I became a mother, I thought that putting the kids first meant there wasn’t room for my self-care. I know I’m not the only one…
Adopting or reestablishing true self-care habits is not a small thing when you’ve spent a couple of decades ignoring your needs. I admit that, when I became a mother, I thought that putting the kids first meant my needs didn’t matter. And I’ve talked with so many moms who convinced themselves that
they didn’t need proper nutrition or 8 hours of sleep
they shouldn’t hold boundaries or be selfish with their time
they had to give up their passions and just really get into what their kids love
they didn’t have time for themselves
they ought to be completely fulfilled by motherhood
…add your self-care-defeating beliefs here….
So, what is self-care, anyway?
I think (I’m still learning) that true self-care is recognizing and tending to our needs in such a way that we are cultivating our wholeness – body, mind, heart and spirit. Retraining ourselves to notice what we require to be well on every level in every moment, give that care priority and take action with kindness toward oneself.
Mind
Oh, our poor, over-taxed minds. They’re being asked to process more than they’re capable of, bursting at the seams, their edges frayed. They’re being fed an information diet of Netflix nonsense, horrific and untrustworthy news casts or hours of scrolling celebrity opinions and inflammatory commentaries.
The mind is meant for learning, wondering, perceiving, reasoning and expanding. In the traditions of the Four Directions, the mind is related to the element of air. And doesn’t that conjure up images of fresh flowing breezes, freedom and lightness?
Feel that for a few moment… what does it inspire in you? How might you develop a new way of caring for your mind?
A healthy diet for growth - reading, taking a course, journalling, professional development, solving puzzles, drawing
Lightening the load – limiting screen time, saying no
Letting it rest - meditation, daydreaming, listening to music, sleeping
Decluttering – noticing thought loops of justification, worry, blame, etc. that are unfounded or outdated.
Spirit
Spiritual self-care means designating time to exploring your connection with the unseen and unknown, what is both within and beyond you, be it following a certain doctrine or sitting at the base of an ancient cedar tree.
Spirit lives in the south with the element of Fire. Picture your spirit leaping, dancing, crackling and shedding warm light. How do your spiritual practices provide you with fuel and deepen your access to your unique gifts and calling? What questions do they light up for you? What mysteries do they bring you in contact with?
If you’re thinking about expanding your spiritual self-care, here are some concepts to explore:
What filters do I see the world through?
When I’m operating from my Higher Self, nothing I do would embarrass me if it were printed on the front page of the newspaper.
How do I hold the paradox of knowing that my every choice is very important (it might impact others today and far into the future) and, at the same time, that my life is an infinitesimal piece of the whole evolutionary process of the universe?
How am I a calming presence, a beacon of light and love that gives others better access to their essential selves?
I live in the eternal present moment and know that the universe is doing something through me.
My senses give me incomplete and sometimes inaccurate information and create my own “reality.” What does that mean in terms of understanding, accepting and forgiving others?
For what aspects of the better world am I a catalyst?
Moments of awe, magic and non-ordinary consciousness guide me toward...
Heart
And then we arrive in the complex world of emotions and the element of water...
Survey your emotional landscape over the last few weeks or months. Do you see consistently clear boundary setting, eloquently expressed feelings, graceful non-attachment to others’ feelings and healthy, timely release of difficult emotions?
No, me neither. There are times when I’m gracefully allowing emotions to flow through me and inform me; other times, I’m more like a turtle in its shell, a sponge or a leaf blown around by the wind.
Emotional self-care is bringing our awareness to our emotions and taking steps to honour and care for our emotional needs. Identifying them AND nurturing them.
I invite you to tune into your heart right now and discover what care is needed.
Close your eyes and place your hands on your heart.
Feel your heartbeat and visualize the interior of your heart.
What’s it like right now, cozy or bright, airy or liquid, fuzzy or smooth, green or pink?
No judgements, just noticing.
What emotions are present in this space in this moment?
Have your mind step back and engage an inner intuitive exploration.
What do you see or sense?
Wonder about what emotional nourishment is needed.
Patience, allow the answers to come.
Wait for an image to form and receive whatever comes, whether it makes sense to you immediately or not.
Your heart is telling you something it needs – trust it.
Hold it gently for a little while.
What next step can you see?
Body
And finally, to the grounding, physical Earth element.
I’ll skip the 8 hours of sleep speech and ask instead; how does your body feel? Balanced, strong and alive?
Do a quick scan. Check in with the bones, muscles and organs that carry you through your days and weeks. When you encounter discomfort, make a note of it. What does this body part do? How is its function out of balance and what does it need? What pattern is your body showing you?
We all have patterns of avoidance when it comes to our bodies. If this brings forward something you already know about and have been putting off, I invite you to say it out loud. “Oh, I’ll get to it when…”
Now consider what that part of you gets out of delaying self-care. Does she get pity? Does she get to avoid tackling a self-sabotaging habit? Or is it proving that she isn’t selfish? Does she let herself off the hook for learning something? Is she telling you that she’s protecting you from pain?
Call your acupuncturist today, get your knee looked at, book those swimming lessons, learn some new recipes, buy a new bed, stretch, plant a garden...do the thing you know your body is wanting.
~
As you walk your human path and evolve, your body will contain and carry the next version of you, and the next… and so, it must change as well. And that requires your attention - right now, and in every moment.
You are divine, dear mama, part of the divine and ever growing into the divine. You are a precious gift to the world. Please care for that gift.
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Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash