
When I was a child, I often felt like I didn’t quite belong in my family. Maybe every kid feels that to some extent and maybe it’s part of the human journey.
My siblings seemed more ready to engage in the rough and tumble ranch life but I was different – softer, more sensitive. I was more curious about who people were on the inside, but I was living in a world of hard work and getting ahead. Gentleness and introspection weren’t valued in my family.
I'm not sure when exactly I became a defender of the underdogs, the misunderstood and maligned in our world. When I was about 7 or 8, I bravely objected when my grandpa joked about the ‘frogs’ in Quebec. I knew absolutely nothing about francophones, but I felt the injustice of blanket insults and had to say something, even though my heart was almost pounding out of my chest.
And there were injustices about which I remained silent: When we listened to the news, I was pretty sure that the Russians loved their children too, long before Sting recorded that song.
As a tween, I befriended the most troublesome kid in our school. Everyone said he was stupid and hopeless, but my sensitive heart went out to him. They cautioned me, a top student, to keep my distance, as if it were contagious, but I was certain that he was being misunderstood and that there were reasons for his daily lateness and clowning around. I couldn't not stand up for him.
Years later, after standing up against numerous social injustices, I became an adult upgrading instructor, teaching high school math to people who had been left behind, or ejected, from the education system. And there went my heart…
There went my heart to these teens and young adults who had travelled rough roads – abuse, alcohol, drugs, mental illness, homelessness, incarceration – roads I wouldn't have survived. And in my heart, I knew that many of them were misunderstood teens that didn’t get the love and support they needed. They were people, real people who, years later, still couldn’t quite get their hands on the opportunities that were available to everyone else.
And so, working at the community college, my passion became providing wrap-around support and helping them open those doors. This was one of the things that led me into coaching: lifting up the misjudged.
Around this time, my kids became teens, and I scrambled to shift my parenting so I could walk shoulder to shoulder with them in their world, the vast sea of misunderstood teens. And I could see all the parents who were struggling to adjust to this stage and provide their kids with the kind of support they needed.
My heart pounded and I just wanted to change it all, set it right. Oh, for a magic wand or a genie in a bottle…
I wanted these kids to be seen in all their awkward beauty, loved through all their blunders and given space to figure themselves out. It’s what they deserved, right? I did what I could: provided a judgement-free basement, healthy snacks and a compassionate ear (and became known as the ‘chill mom’ in the hood).
So, a few years later, when I was in the depths of my Integral Coaching training, healing some of my own adolescent wounds, I knew that I would focus my coaching practice on supporting parents of teens and young adults. I guess it had been written in the stars for decades.
Since then, I’ve coached so many different parents to be able to gain perspective when they’re overwhelmed, release high expectations of themselves (and their kids), and become flexible but not permissive, firm but not rigid.
I do this to be of deep service to you and these beautiful, brave parents and help you become the calm, approachable, connected parents you dearly want to be.
And, now you know, part of me does this work to support the misunderstood, mistrusted and maligned youth of the world.
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Inviting your reflections…
In what ways were you misunderstood in your youth?
How did you react to feeling misjudged, misinterpreted or mis-valued?
What beliefs and habits did you adopt then, intentionally or unwittingly?
What remnants of those beliefs and habits still seep into your way of parenting, perhaps with one child in particular?
How might you be misunderstanding youth in your life right now?
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