Calling In Your New Way of Parenting

Last week, I invited you into some self-exploration and naming a conditional belief that’s driving your behaviour in tense interactions with your almost-adult kid. I trust that it was illuminating for you.

Now onward to step 2… 

There is wisdom in you, my dear, deep knowing in your belly: soft, light-encapsulated truth that has been with you since you were conceived and even before that, when the universe dreamed of you. It lives in your DNA, the essence of your soul, and it is pure and profound. When you connect to that wisdom, there’s more knowledge, deep down inside, about this situation with your teenager, a perspective that’s more in alignment with who you are now and the kind of parent you want to be.

I’ll guide you through an exercise in a moment but first, I want to emphasize that this isn’t about coming up with the opposite of your current conditional belief. For the mother who believes, “As long as I look ahead and anticipate what he’ll need, then I’ll prevent big family dramas”, a new way perspective isn’t, “As long as I stay in the present moment, then I’ll prevent big family dramas.”

You see, her current assumption is that she has to prevent family dramas. Obviously, she finds them uncomfortable but preventing them isn’t something she can really do. So, then I’m wondering about what would ease her discomfort. What else is possible for her so she can be in these dramas without lashing out, saying things she’ll regret or fleeing the room crying and blaming herself? How could she have a different experience?

For the sake of discussion, it could be something like, “As long as I stand tall and speak clearly, then I can set boundaries around conflicts.” Or “As long as I give myself a moment to find my balance, then I can open my heart to what he’s trying to express.”

Maybe you’re reading this and thinking it’s too good to be true and just plain impossible for you. And you’re right, it’s impossible TODAY. This woman doesn’t yet know how to stay present with her emotions or be a trustworthy listener. Not yet. But she can learn (more about that next week).

Please know that what you envision - the way you want to be parenting, the calmness and confidence you want to feel, the kinds of conversations you want to have, the connection you want to feel – these are all possible. New paths are shown to those who explore. 

The Exercise

Are you willing to explore what might be possible for you in your recurring uncomfortable situation?I wrote this exercise out and then decided it would be easier for you if I recorded it. Below is a direct link to Insight Timer, a secure platform where I’ve published this 21-minute guided meditation for you. 

Find yourself a comfortable, quiet place. If you like, stretch, do a little tai chi or conscious breathing, use an essential oil or put on some relaxing music.

Click here to begin: Calling In A Motherhood Vision | Lori K Walters  

When you’re done, with paper and pen, capture what you saw or heard. Draw it or describe it.  Write this wisdom down:  As long as I do _____, then ____. Beautiful. 

Next week, I’ll explain how to strengthen this new perspective. For this week, stay connected to your sentence. Put a sticky note on your mirror, lunchbox and/or computer. Spend some time journalling about it. Tweak if necessary. 

Remember, it doesn’t matter if it's attainable right now. The more important question is: Is it what you’re longing for? You’ll know you’ve got it right when you feel a sigh of relief in your body and an eagerness to learn more.

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