What I Learned in 2021 about Being Me

From Winter Solstice to New Years Day, I am in and out of a lovely long ceremony. Hours by the fireplace. Pages and pages of reflective writing. Long walks and quiet thoughts.

Through these days and nights, I’ve checked back in with last year’s intentions and the version of me that envisioned them. I’ve taken stock of the outdated perspectives that have been uprooted and the auto-habits I’ve developed the ability to recognize and interrupt. I re-travelled some roads for the sake of remembering what was required of me to travel them, where I left and where I arrived. I revisited some heart expansions, both happy and sad. I imprinted many inspirational moments on my heart.

The point of annual reflections is to register, really register, what has changed and emerged in me. To see who I was a year ago standing next to who I am now. To appreciate and grieve what was lost or surrendered. To anchor my learnings in my head, heart and body so that they may support me going forward. To acknowledge my blessings.

This has been a year of discovering a new level of sovereignty and showing up. Really being me. Honestly. Shakily. Vulnerably. Humbly. Boldly.

Here’s some of what I learned about Being Me in the last four seasons:

· Saying ‘I don’t know’ is incredibly liberating, and creates space for inquiry and inspiration.

· When overwhelmed, I can take just one step forward and I will find myself in a new situation with new perspective. And it’s from there (not here) that I will take my next step.

· Every time I go into ceremony, I am rewarded with love and truth. I know who I am and why I’m here. Every time.

· I want to be seen and I don’t want to be seen (sigh).

· I am dark and light, winter and summer, swamp mud and starlight. More of my shadowed parts - like putting myself last, dishonesty, overvaluing productivity, disconnecting, dialing down my shininess – are beckoning for my attention and respect.

· My coaching practice is a bud, the sepals curving gradually back toward the stem, petals gently loosening and revealing themselves, one by one. She is blossoming in her own time. Patience and attention are asked for.

· Smaller lists, dear, smaller lists.

· The part of me that wants to hide at any sign of danger (and thwarts my attempts at creating the things I want in my life) is also the part of me that built a strong wall around my childhood heart to protect me from emotional abuse. Darn good strategy, little one. Thank you. You can rest now; I’ve got it from here.

· Take any question to the woods. Just listen.

· Alarm and excitement feel very similar in my body so I must pause and discern the difference before I respond.

· I can trust another man.

· That incessant urge to repair my so-called shameful flaws doesn’t come around any more; my new companions are curiosity and wonder. I’m built to be an explorer of my own inner landscape.

· Taking up space isn’t unkind or self-aggrandizing. I am meant to move, speak and be in my space in the world – it’s here for me to full-fill.

· I am both grounded and expansive, of the earth and of the heavens.

· I do not open the channel; I am the channel.

· The more I allow my true heart to be seen, the more I feel my belonging.

· I know less and less, and I like swimming in the unknown.

These are the lessons I’m carrying forward with me into 2022. This is what I’ve got in me that can support me as I delve into my next explorations. I am grateful for these precious gifts – wisdom and tools - that encourage me to push out again beyond my edges and expand my lightness.

What learnings are you bringing forward? What gifts of knowing have you received? What feels solid in you today and you step across the numeric threshold? It is my hope that registering this wisdom, really feeling it, gives you courage and hope.

And my next areas of growth? Telling the truth about my life, just as it is, to myself and others. Tending to my physical health. Choosing to hold myself with dignity, the most sacred thing I can do.

Wishing you peace in the coming year, dear ones, as you move into the new.