- Lori K Walters
A sure-fire way to shift a rocky relationship with your teenager
I have a magic wand. Well, er, I have a wand of selenite - a white, striated crystal about 40 cm long - that I’ve worked with for 10 years or so. You see, in addition to being an Integral Master Coach, I’m also certified in Elemental Space Clearing. I know that’s not an everyday thing, so let me describe what I do. I perform space clearing ceremonies, which have been practised for thousands of years in almost every culture in the world, in our homes, our workplaces, our temples and our gardens. They are done to release stagnant or complete energies and instill the fresh energy of our aspirations into our living spaces. Maybe you do things like opening all the windows after someone has been ill or burning sage or incense to bring in some peace. Putting fresh flowers on the table after an argument or changing the colour of your bedroom when you decide to get a new job. When you do this, you shift the subtle energy of a space. A space clearing ceremony is a deeper shift. People call on me to conduct clearings at pivotal moments in their lives – moving, new babies, committing to sobriety or fitness, divorce - when they want the energy of their home to support the change they’re making or desiring. Whatever is happening in a house, be it grief, rage, harmony, stony silences, calm or excitement, those energies are imprinted on the space. Have you ever walked into a friend’s house and sensed heaviness or tension in the air? For me, when I go into a home, I feel the accumulation of those feelings, very tangibly, when I touch the walls and floors. The energy of your family life builds up over time and it needs a way to be properly released. In a space clearing ceremony, I provide a channel through which these energies return to the earth or the sky, the great cosmic recycling program. I have a gift of feeling the spirit of a house and hearing the song of the ground it sits upon. With this clairsentience, I locate and loosen the stuck energies. Then, when the ones meant to leave have flown freely, I resettle the energy of the house (that’s where my selenite wand comes in). The final step of the clearing ceremony is bringing in the new energy that’s desired by the individual or family – peace, vitality, abundance, love, creativity, simplicity, courage, etc. I’ve had the honour of witnessing, over and over, how families have thrived and dreams have come true following these ceremonies. I am amazed and delighted every time. What are you thinking as you read this? Are you aware of feelings that have lingered too long in your home? Are there rooms you don’t like to enter because of the way they make you feel? Are their certain places where arguments seem to erupt more often? Spots that always give you peace? Take a stroll around your house. Stand still in each room. What do you sense?
Subtle Energy and Parenting
Change is both an inside and outside endeavor. If you’re working on making changes in your relationship with your young adult child, your intentions can be supported by physical actions that shift the energy. Here are a few examples:
If arguments are always happening around the kitchen table, begin with a thorough cleaning. Get the dust out of the corners; wash the walls and windows. Shake things up to loosen what’s stuck. Open the windows wide.
Next, take a look around for things that may be subtly adding to the tension – maybe fiery colours, sharp-edged décor, pointed plants or items that are loved by some and hated by others.
You could changing the environment by painting the room a more peaceful colour like green or blue. Or cover the chairs with soft fabrics, play soft music, sprinkle some lavender oil or buy new art that fills your hearts with peace.
Finish with a ceremony. Light a candle, make a little altar, call in your spirit guides and set your intention for this space. For example, do you want this to be a place of deeper listening, more patience, quieter tones or broader perspective? Anchor it by saying it out loud, writing it down, or making a mantra. (If you need ideas about how to do this, let me know.)
Another area to consider is your child’s bedroom. Of course, making changes in someone else’s space requires their wholehearted agreement, so offer your suggestions without any attachment, give them time to think about it and honour what they decide. If they’re amenable, it can be a creative project for the two of you.
In addition to the deep cleaning, take away the clothes that don’t fit, games they don’t play with and books they’re not reading. Then, if they are feeling disheartened, for example, see what could be brightened. You could find a different pair of curtains, a cool lamp or some light-coloured pillows.
Think about what this kid needs on their interior and make some little changes that can provide that on the exterior. If they need more loving friends, work with red and pink. If they need to feel safe, how about some cozy new bedding? Think metaphorically.
Your bedroom is your sanctuary in the house. What are you done with? What energy are you bringing in? What would symbolize support for you right now? Make changes that nurture the qualities you’re developing on your parenting journey. (And stay tuned for a separate article on this… oh, I’ve got so much to say….)
Finally, if people have been communicating awkwardly in the living room, sitting in prickly silences, you could rearrange the furniture to make more intimate spaces for talking. Consider removing things that symbolize discomfort (broken chair, dying plants, scratchy throws).
If you want to hear engaging conversation in your living room, display photos from a trip you took together or an inspiring coffee table book from the library. What else can you think of to change the energy?
*Please be aware that shaking up the energy will literally shake things up. Memories, unexpected emotions, headaches and even physical house issues may rise to the surface. That’s why the space clearing ritual includes smoothing the energy and instilling the new energy you’re desiring. Take care of yourselves and be sure to do all the steps.
I have witnessed this kind of magic many times: how clearing clutter off the living room bookshelves created room for a different kind of family dialogue, how cleaning the kitchen windows helped a mother realize that her teenage daughter’s comments didn’t need to be taken personally, how sprucing up a kid’s bedroom boosted their confidence, and how changing to a circular dining table eased difficult conversations. Trust me on this. Changing the subtle energy in an area of your home will definitely have an effect on your family, how they feel and how they interact. Done with intention, it can unblock an impasse, foster understanding and bring your hearts closer together. May it be so.
With you on the journey, Lori
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