Your way of parenting isn't working anymore -
not with this kid, not in this situation.
You feel a gap widening in your relationship and you’re afraid you’re losing them. But you’re also tired of the battles and stand-offs.
You’re longing to build a calm, respectful relationship that will stand the test of time.
Photo by Lori Walters
Yes, there is a way
to shift out of this anguish and tension into a comfortable, solid connection with your young adult child.
You can shed old patterns,
whether they formed a few years ago or were inherited from your own parents, and get free from the triggers that keep taking over and making things worse.
You can develop new ways of connecting and being with your kid
so you can actually express your opinion without facing a volcanic eruption and walk through your own kitchen without getting frostbite from a silent stare.
You can parent without feeling the weight of so much worry, frustration, guilt and disappointment. In a way that feels good right down into your bones.
First, let's honour all the work you’ve done.
You’ve given a lot of love, weathered many challenges and done plenty of personal growth to get this far. Please take a breath here and let that register in your heart.
Parenting isn’t easy. And unfortunately, what comes most naturally is parenting the way you were parented. Or the exact opposite of how you were parented. And neither of these fit you quite right.
Maybe you've tried some parenting webinars or books, only to have the inspiration quickly fizzle out. Or you didn’t feel right trying to apply those generic solutions to one of the most precious relationships in your life.
Yyou felt like you were being handed an entire globe of the world when what you really needed was a skilled guide to help you see exactly where your feet are right now and the precise next steps that will actually work for you.
And let’s be honest about what needs to happen.
There's a problem: your relationship with your young adult child is on the rocks. The way you’re dealing with it isn’t working.
And you’re not going to fix it by trying to control their behaviour, adjust their attitude or manipulate their choices. You already know this, even if part of you is saying, “but, but, but if I could just get them to do/see it like this”. You can't MAKE them.
The answer is shifting your own behaviors, attitudes and choices.
As the parent of a young adult, you must make your own internal shifts. Uproot assumptions and habits that have unwittingly become your regular way of parenting. Expand your views. Let go of the way you parented when they were younger and cultivate something different – a way of being together that feels clearer and calmer. Less fire and ice; more communication, acceptance and respect.
You don’t need another parenting prescription.
You need a way to explore the corners of your own heart and soul so you can make your shift into a new relationship with your child.
Essential Elements of My Coaching Program
1. Honouring all of You
When it comes to improving and deepening one of the most precious relationships in your life, personalization is essential. You need a way of change that is designed for the unique person you are, exactly where you are on your parenting journey and what’s getting in your way right here and right now.
Some coaching programs focus on mindset, while others are dedicated solely to emotional intelligence, somatic awareness, spirituality or interpersonal communications. My approach as an Integral Master Coach encompasses ten such lenses (integral means to include everything essential). You are deeply seen and heard - body, mind, heart and soul – and honoured in all your humanness.
2. Holding both the Present and the Future
Personal change isn’t a linear trek from problem to solution. It's a combination of releasing habits and beliefs that are no longer working for you and instilling a new way of parenting that, so far, you've only been able to imagine. Working with both in parallel creates a dynamic space for your evolution as a parent.
My approach illuminates how you’ve been interacting with your child and what underlies those habits. It has you catching yourself in the act and making incremental shifts away from the old pattern, effectively deactivating your triggers. Simultaneously, it holds a clear vision of what you’re longing for in your relationship with your child, so you can recognize and anchor the beautiful new parts of yourself as they are emerging.
3. Ritual
Experiencing a significant inner change is like stepping across a threshold into a new phase of your life. Our ancestors had rituals for these milestones and I believe we all deserve to mark them in deeply meaningful ways.
The most powerful milestones in your coaching program are when you feel the full release of an ingrained trigger or old story, and when you sense a new way of being coming to rest in you. If you so choose, we will honour that transformation with rituals co-designed by you and me, a trained and experienced ritual-maker, in a way that resonates deeply with you and supports you on your personal journey.
4. Living the Change
For this shift in your parenting to be sustainable, it must be integrated and expressed in your daily life. Not just knowing it, but Doing it. This means taking carefully-designed steps, one by one, to develop the specific capabilities you need to be able to connect better with your child.
As you practice, fail, try again, tweak and polish these new abilities, you will receive deep compassion and guidance, until they become part of your natural way of being with your kids.
"Before this, I felt like I was falling backwards in my parenting. My son and I were barely talking and I didn’t know what else to do. But within weeks, I could already feel myself getting my footing. Instead of presuming I was powerless, I started trying new things, just one bit at a time. The changes in me have changed how my son and I talk to each other. It makes my heart sing every day."
F Glenn, Edmonton
"This was a transformative experience, much more than I had expected from coaching. I thought I’d get some new ways of looking at things but I also developed new ways of doing things. Lori was so attuned with where I’m at in my own journey as a man and as a father. She led me on a really personal exploration that makes these changes feel permanent. I love the way I’m being a father now.”
Barry Holmes, Vancouver
What’s involved in a coaching program?
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We meet online twice a month
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Session are 75 minutes.
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In between our sessions, you engage in daily practices (10-30 min) that hone your new capabilities.
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Within weeks, you start responding differently in those previously impossible situations.
Who is this for?
You'll experience great results from my coaching if you're
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open-minded and open-hearted about exploring what needs to shift in you
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willing to practice, mess up and learn
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striving to parent consciously
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excited to discover and embody new aspects of yourself.
And you should know right now that I'm not going to be the right coach for you if you hope to drive through and solve this in a week. And I don't work with people who want to "fix their kid". This is personal transformation.
"I feel so solid in how I am parenting now. I am finally being me and parenting my way and it feels good. The cold unspoken resentment between my daughter and I is slowly fading and we’re building something new together. And that’s worth gold!
Lori is a very kind, wise, skillful coach that I’m recommending her to every parent I know.”
Benita Lang, Toronto
"I came to Lori with a challenging parenting struggle that had plagued me for years. She listened attentively, provided creative and outstanding guidance, while simultaneously letting me be the driver of my own solutions. My relationships with my adult children have improved and I feel much more confident as a father."
Scott, New York
Photo by Lori Walters
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Photo by Lori Walters
FAQ's
Q How can I make time for a coaching program? I am already busy juggling my kids, partner, job, household, etc.
A I get that. That’s why my coaching programs don’t take you out of your regular life or add more work on top . In fact, changes to your way of parenting have to take place in your real day-to-day life, so that’s where you’ll be practicing. We learn how to dance on the dance floor, right?
Q How much does it cost?
A It works out to $65 per week.
Q Do my partner and kids need to be involved?
A No. This is your own journey. And the beauty of developmental coaching is that your new way of parenting will emerge gradually, one interaction at a time, in a way that feels natural to you and your family.
"I didn’t know if I could actually get out of this awful mess, but you were always there to help me find my next step when I tripped. I’m so proud of the work I’ve done with you. There is a new peacefulness in me feeling this connection between my soul purpose, my role as a mother and how I interact with my grown-up son."
MLK, Monterey Ca
"What I loved most was her questions - they made me just stop and then I’d realize something that I hadn't been able to see in the tangle I was caught up in. When I went into coaching, I was only hoping to find a way to stop being walked over by my teenagers. Instead, I found the voice of a wise, self-respecting woman. This was deep work that touched my heart and soul."
Jillian S., Melbourne, AUS
My Vision for You
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You are free from looping through the same problem again and again. Your old triggers are neutralized and you respond differently in those previously impossible situations.
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You see your child with fresh eyes and feel a stronger connection with them. As one client put it, “I fell in love with my daughter all over again.”
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The way you're parenting feels right in your body, mind, heart and soul. It has you trusting your instincts, feeling grounded and honouring what’s really most important to you is your role as a parent.
Photo by Lori Walters